The rapid development and availability of technology is significantly impacting our relationships. Cell phones, tablets and laptops, etc. along with unlimited internet access make our life easier and enjoyable but also has brought about new challenges for our closest relationships. Instant access allows many new ways to connect with people but also makes it necessary to clearly define boundaries. Technology is an increasing problem in my couple’s therapy. Technology can improve our daily lives, it can also have unintended negative effects by becoming invasive and addictive. It is important that we manage the technology instead of technology managing us. [Read more…]
The affair must end for work to begin on your relationship. The ending of the affair is essential because of the sexual, emotional and verbal intimacy you share in the affair. If the affair does not end you cannot start to establish safety in your relationship and rebuild trust. [Read more…]
The unthinkable has happened. The pain is unbelievable. How could someone you know and love have betrayed you in this way? How can you go on being with this person? The crisis of an affair is a subject I hear about from couples in all walks of life. Statistics on affairs are controversial since there is inherent secrecy about reporting them. Some sources claim affairs have occurred with 40% of married women and 60% of married men. Other sources state that 10% of wives and 25% of husbands have engaged in an affair. We do know that affairs are happening and are devastating to the individuals involved. [Read more…]
Build and improve your emotional intelligence in two ways:
- If you have the opportunity in your workplace, take a 360 assessment instrument to gain others’ feedback.
- Take an EQ assessment. There are many to choose from. To find the best one for you, contact Take Charge Inc for our recommendations.
- Do an informal assessment by asking those around you to discuss how well you deal with and exhibit emotions. Be sincere and accepting of the feedback (don’t question or debate it)
- Start keeping a journal. Many successful CEOs report that they keep a journal. Write ten minutes each day at the same time. Write about your feelings for that day. Name your feelings (sad, anger, fear, joy, disgust, anticipation, surprise or the hundreds of variations or these core feelings). Start identifying patterns and triggers. When we are young we developed methods of coping that do not serve us well as adults. To change these coping methods, we first have to identify them.
You have been hurt, betrayed, slighted or rejected. It can cover the wide range of wrongs to someone saying something painful behind your back to finding out your spouse is having an affair. The pain, the anger and the dark emotions stay with you. Any mention of the person’s name or the offense instantly triggers the emotions. You play out conversations in your head of what you want to say to the offender. You play out ways to get back at them. You ask, why did this happen? How can the person who caused you this pain still go on and receive gifts in their life? You wonder if that means there is no justice. This imbalance often makes the pain stronger. [Read more…]